wassup with tim's life

a season to reflect

2006-12-20T03:25:00.000-08:00

i think im juz really writing this for myself..
sitting in the room for close to 3 weeks liao...
post op sucks man.. big time..
boredom and anxiousness sets in...
really thank God for the pple who came to see me.. thanx u guys..
really thank God who reminded me of his presence and my promise to Him as well...
these 3 weeks have really been full of comp games, tv and my bed.. didnt really take time to look to Him all this while..jialat rite..
well there was this incident where my laptop kanna the rain... haha i really panicked...
thank God huiying works in IBM...
so i passed it to her to repair but i often heard that once yr laptop kanna water u might as well use it as a paper weight or something..
so i prayed..
i said: ' God, if u can turn my lappie back on. I will definitely try my best to bring someone for christmas service.'
and it came true... my lappie really came back to life... i couldnt believe it... haha He really works in mysterious ways man...
well im stil trying got 3 more days to christmas service... hope he responds man.. praying for it to happen...
really thank God for his timely reminder...
but a part of me still feels down..
i guess its due to my knee... hope its doing fine...
i once said that my largest insecurity is gaining weight...
its happening now ba... guess im insecure now lo..
really need to seek God to overcome my fear.. to walk past my shadow to see the future and wat it brings...
really need God's healing and his miracles to happen...
hai... im always complaining.. that the healing takes too long.. that the hols are too short for me to recover...
i wanna give thanks to God for his providence ba..
really thank God that im stil able to limp for now haha
really thank God for frens as well to call me and msn me asking how i am..
christmas is coming again... i havent really changed..
guess thats bad ba...
but at least im stil around in church so i guess im stil ok ba...
haha this entry doesnt make sense at all...
guess thats wat im feeling rite now.. not here not there..
totally lost in the zone that im in now.. im jz living day by day.. not living as if there is no more tmr...
i will pray for my own salvation again... its time to refelct upon my own christian life...
but i do noe one thing... that i love GOD...
i thank God for everything that has happend and will happen ba..
i pray that we have bring frens to christmas this year ba... i figure thast wat pleases God..

i wanna dance again...

2006-06-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

It’s the hols again…
I’ve been going out time and time again..
But I’ve been leaving out my bestest best fren..
I’ve been leaving out God all this while…
I feel so empty, so unfulfilled, so sian…
I’ve been shutting Him out for so long le.. too long le…
I can hear Him calling me.. knocking on my door..
“ Tim.. Are u there?? Why won’t you let me in??”
“ God, im busy now.. I’ll tok to u later…”
I’ve taken Him for granted again.. yet again.. I juz dun learn…
I heard this story once..
There was a nice, young girl called Clara…
Her mom died when she was young, so all she had was her dad..
Every Christmas before everyone opens their gifts, dad would put a song on and he would invite Clara to dance with him…
Every year the same time, the same song, the same dance.. the same love that Clara’s dad had for her…
But as Clara grew up, she met mike.. Mike wasn’t exactly a good character…
Although she knew that her dad disapproved of him, she still wanted to be with him and late one night, she left with mike…
3 months down the road… mike and Clara had a fight.. This time it was bad.. it wasn’t like the other fights they usually had…
Mike took off this time…
Clara was alone and helpless.. she cried and wept and blamed herself…
She took up a job as a stripper…
She had to dance in front of other men.. she hated it but there was no other way…
1 year had passed and it was Christmas eve.. she had ended her work routine and was going home.. When she meet mike..
“Where the hell have u been?? Dun you want your letters back??” he yelled..
“ Letters? What letters?”
The next day after work Clara sat down in front of her dressing table..
On the table was a large stack of letters…
For every day since she had been gone.. There was a letter for every single day…
She tore open the envelopes…
Reading them one by one.. tears rolled down her cheeks.. Smearing her make up.. Leaving trails of mascara on her face…
every single letter had the words.." would u dance again?"...
She took off and ran..
There she was.. in front of the doorstep where she was always comfortable with..
She approached the glow coming from inside the house and knocked on the door…
“I’ll get it..” grandma shouted
once she opened the door and laid eyes on her grand daughter, she shouted to Clara’s dad..
“Bob, this one’s for you…”
Clara ran in and hugged him as hard as she could..
He didn’t mind that she was dirtying his favorite white wool sweater…
He was happy she was back...
Clara looked up and asked... “Is it too late?”
“ It’s never too late...” was the reply.

The preacher then went on and said…
Is God calling out to u to dance again??

I want to dance again… I wanna be in your presence with joy and peace..
I wanna be with you once again God…
This is my prayer…

so sian when u cant play soccer...

2006-05-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

hai as everyone knows my knees busted for quite awhile liao..
if theres one insecurity in my life.. its bout gaining weight..
i hate it.. yet i cant exercise, cant play soccer, my greatest passion (actually second lah 1st is God..)
when i see other pple being able to play im damn sian lah but not their fault mah..
not gonna take soccer for granted liao man..
gonna train my fitness, leg strength and skills properly..
haha..
first thing i get on field is to learn bout soft touches.. thing one thing i cant do properly is to pass man haha..
man cant wait to get back on field...
hope God blesses me to get back asap man...
haa i'll be back and better than ever man.. confirm one...
i wanna run, pass the ball, score against others... i wanna lose weight..
pls keep my knee in prayers pple.. im damn scared the doc tells me i cant play anymore...

it just came to me...

2006-02-16T07:46:00.000-08:00

its been a gazillion years since i last wrote on this webbie, if ur looking at this lucky u haha think this website kanna ignored le..
i heard things bout it... but the full blow didnt come to me ba... not until i heard the whole thing 3 times.. in 2 days...
then it hit me.. reality dawned upon me.. maybe i was too numb already, so it took awhile..
i guess i was trying to appear normal, trying to put it in a box somewhere.. like SPDS said ba.. in the deepest darkness, in the abyss where no light can penetrate...
well it didnt work...
i broke down..bad...
haha dunno issit fortunate or not for sam to catch me at that time...
my eyes were wet during the prayer.. i miss him...
then when service ended i was on stage keeping my stuff,
and then the tap opened... never cried so hard before...
hmmm.. takes a man to cry to bare his soul...
i feel guilty... i never appreciated him..
until now.. i was afraid that this would hapen to wake me up
im awake le...
i wanna be part of the generation to march into the promised land.. i dun wan him to be sad for me... for us...
time to work hard for God le...
cannot slack liao.. rude awakening..
i wan to move on man... have to ba.. hope all those reading this will too..
God has many things in store for us..
with Him, all things are possible...
im not worried bout the truth le.. im worried bout the rest...
the pain moulds me to be more than who i am...
this pain pushes me to go forth...
i hope the future makes this pain worthwhile...
God bless...

will there ever be enuf time??

2005-11-18T09:23:00.001-08:00

im in hall now.. was trying to studying for my paper on monday ba...
really hard to concentrate now...
so took a break and watched the andy lau show..(thanx to Mr GV..qingwei haha)
its abt a boy who wans to grow up.. and he did.. but only lived for a few days...
its been a long time since i teared in a movie...
but its really touching man...
they always said that time was a invention of man.. that it doesn't really exist...
that time is wat we perceive to be...
but is it really true?
hmmm i dunno where does time come from..
but i noe where time goes to...
somewhere.. somewhere where u can't find it...
theres no point goin back to find it cause u can never...
but thinking bout the past is always impt..it brings u forward.. making u noe wat to do, wat not to...
i realised that i've been wasting time thinking abt past events that don't help me advance...
things that hurt me.. that torment me... i've been wasting my life...
im not so worried abt death or when issit comin... but im worried abt time.. that im running out of it...
im sorry God... i've been wasting time doing things not for U but for myself...
its time i took time to reflect bout the things that i never did for U...
im too caught up with me... time is running out...
time is never enuf... too many things in my life...that is more impt than U...
relationships, freedom, satisfaction....
forgive me... its been too long.. far too long le...
im happy i tot abt it now.. i dun wanna waste any more time le...
Father, you are my shepherd, i will not be in want....
i pray that we all look thru or lives...
dun waste time le...
there is enuf time if we loook to God...
He creates chances, gives us happiness, allows us to see much more, feel more satisfied...
How Great is our God??
i hope that we all see the light...
that life is much more than relationships, personal happiness and satisfaction
hmmm... oh yah and exams suck man.. haha..

will there ever be enuf time??

2005-11-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

sch sucks the life out of u..

2005-09-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

things have gotten better.. but here i am stil confused..stil as bewildered.. stil tyring to make sense of all that has happened.. i feel that i haven gave everyone an honnest ans..
"hey tim, hows sch??"
"sch's all rite.."
no its not.. schs not all rite... im not all rite..
my life aint rite...
my life kinda empty..kinda lost.. y issit so diff to get to to the earlier state before i even entered uni???
must there be a catalyst??
someting to jolt me out of my stupid senses??

im stil praying.. maybe not hard enuf... i wish i could feel his presence once again... to feel his holiness in my life... to be able to sing a new song to him...
till next time then..

2005-08-30T01:26:00.001-07:00

Take The quiz yourself

2005-08-30T01:26:00.000-07:00

Take The quiz yourself

2005-08-30T01:22:00.001-07:00

[url=http://www.bleachportal.net/?id=interactive/pquiz/index][img]http://www.bleachportal.net/interactive/pquiz/images/pfiwjafmx.jpg[/img]Take The quiz yourself![/url]

2005-08-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

Take The quiz yourself

haha.. i tihink so too

2005-08-30T01:19:00.000-07:00

Take The quiz yourself

dnu u guys just agree...

im running away..slowly but surely...

2005-08-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

ever saw the nike commercial... the one where yr old self tells u to stop running... to juz slow down and take a break?? im in that situation now.. but i chose to stop...and walk in the other direction... im back trekking yet again..guess He's fed up with me liao...
sch has already stated for bout a month.. its been bout a month plus since i blogged...
many things have happened... i've been really busy in sch.. joining hall activities, goin out with frens, and having fun...
all in the expense of church... i told myself that church will always be 1st.. i tot that nothin would take me away... how wrong can i be man... yup.. i haven been turning up for fellowships, morn D and service for todae... hai... all time low man.. guess pple are disappointed in me now man.. can sense it lah..
i noe...
i feel like crap now man.. really... i noe no amount of explanation can edify wat i have done or have not been doing ba...
i dun wanna explain le.. but i dun wanna run away either... i wanna try again to come back..
being tired is an exuse, an overused story...
i wanna see heaven again.. i wanna feel His touch once more...
i didnt feel anythng much druing FOP...
i think its me.. i think the spirit in me has dwindled down...the flame dying to a spark..
im sorry guys.. i noe u guys can feel that im detached le...
its hard to juggle everything... im really tired.. its not an excuse this time round...
i pray for strength... i hope He answers... but i dun deserve anything le...
i think its too much for pple to understand wat im goin thru when its so obvious that im doin the wrong thing...
but i hope i can turn ard soon...
its time to wear my running shoes again.. i wanna run again.. i wanna fly with Him...
i hope He holds my hand.. i need some one to guide me..some one to lead me thru the way...
i dun wanna leave Him.. leave the pple that i noe and trust most..
it might sound dramatic but i noe that its the only path that i would take if i continue to lead this life...
i hope u guys can pray for me.. i pray for change...
i wanna see the light as i walk in the darkness... i dun wanna close my eyes anymore...
i dun wanna be tired.. im done being tired...

i hope im stil goin to heaven...

2005-07-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

ok i admit i pontanged fellowship on purpose... its out in the open now..
alot of things happening..
things that made me think y is life so fragile...
yet all pple can think of is themselves..
i feel guilty.. i feel sad for God that im a christian.. supposed to live by His word and for His word ...
but all i do is SIN... i duno how many can truely confess and turn away from that particular sin from that point on man...
i cannot.. i say 1st...
its pointless to keep apologising when all i do is repeat it again and again man...
hai...
i admit it was wrong of me to start one...
i admit that i could never really edify the reason of goin on with it...
but i said that God was my focus and it would never come in the way of God...
again i proved God and myself wrong...
did i get the ball rolling...?
i hope not.. but i noe that pple see and they compare and they question...
and so they start one too, telling themselves, " since he got, y not me? "
and they hope that this would fill the void inside...
but i tell u that the emptiness can never be filled by another..
only God noes why and how to do it...
been readin Isaiah 11 lately.. God gave me this chapter during the church camp.. ( i hope its God...)
its really amazing bout God's proclaimations of saving us, delivering us to the promised land..
but only if the pple have righteousness as their belt, and faithfulness as the sash around the waist..
Is a life of righteousness and faithfulness really possible??
y is it eluding me?
or am i not desiring..?
i think it lies with me ba...
been praying this for the past weeks..
" Father, i pray that u hold us in yr almighty hand...
that u cover us when we're in trouble,
that u push us when we're too stagnant in our walk,
that u lift us when we're down,
that u force us back down to the ground when we get too proud,
that u give us shelter when we need a place to rest,
that yr almight hand will be all we need... "

"Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorius things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Isreal among you.."

I pray that if u guys see this, that u take a monment to think thru wat God has done for u as i am doing now and that u thank God for wat he has done for u and the people around u..
I noe that God is listening... He always has been...

the insecure me...that plays more badminton..

2005-06-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

yes im updating.. long awaited .. i noe... according to my adoring fans out there haha...
oh came back from church camp.. was really touched...
juz wan to point out the last morn there...
was really led by God...
when i stretched out my hands.. felt my hands getting warm and had a swelling feeling in both hands....
heard from the rest that i walked really far.. made a u turn some more.. haha..
told u guys i wanted to go skating rink one leh haha... oh well.. back to my story...
this was the weirdest feeling i ever had.. i really felt God touching my hands and leading me...
it was way cool man.. haha.. no other words to describe it... really thank God for the experience...
oh yha.. the swelling feeling subsided after pastor chee kin finished praying for me...
a moment in my life i'll never forget... zai...

im a layman... as in really common layman sia... i realise that my command of english is like crap.. my knowledge of stuff is never there... hmm guess im just a empty vessel that does really make the most noise... really... haha this blog is depressing but its the only way i can say my negative tots lah.. this is just me... i hope i dun struggle that badly in sch man...
hmmm... guess im not cut out to be deep in any sense man.. i duno nuts man.. seriously lo...
hai... guess its me to be simple...

anyway im playing more badminton nowadays... haha.. its kinda fun lah but tiring.. hope to improve on it.. so i will jio u guys more often zai zai... so those quite free one tell me ah.. i will arrange if u guys ok with travelling to my palce haha...

had my farewell testimony todae... it was not preapred at all so it was really quite random...
tot i wouldnt be emotional.. but nicole pointed out that i wanted to tear liao... oh that was the part when i mentioned bout my family...
still kinda sad.. tot i had it past me but guess im wrong... happy that im still in Charis man...
but im happy to move on... although i cant bear to leave TACS.. but im looking forward...
moving on to TUF... meeting new pple..
will miss u guys in TACS.. esp soo chuan..
gotta thank him man.. owe him alot man..
he is a good man.. godly man.. fantastic man... God's gift to Charis youth i have to say...
thank God for him.. if not for him there wouldnt be any Charis youth at all...

hmm... nothin much else to say le.. hope God leads me like he did in the camp..
all e best guys.. jiayou...

where do i go from here???

2005-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

haha... time to update.. one of those rare moments again...
Sam said that i only update when im depressed...
actually i feel that deep down im depressed most of the times...
when im alone.. when i have time to think...
i always reflect on my weaknesses ba...

Juz went for my 1st TUf fellowship.. and again they shouted TUF president when my name was called.. ( or was it only ELVIN???) haha... no thanx lah huh too heavy a burden for me..
haha.. but hope can bring pple in when i go in uni lo...

havent been praying often this week.. becoming slack again..
but i promise to do it soon.. haha.. i will..
wana see His light again man...

church camp on MONDAY!!!!
haha.. really hope to be able to feel his presence more this time...
expecting lots of prayer this time round..
dunno how also..
haha.. must bring pillow down for sermon liao... support my knees haha...

nothin much to blog already...
boring person le huh haha paiseh...
will update again sOOOOOn enuf haha.. i try la huh...
ok God bless...

im fatter...

2005-05-30T11:47:00.001-07:00

hey guys...
hmm.. my life hasn't been the best of late man...
not working out... not being sensitive... not being spiritual..
my life is stil in a mess..
stil committing sins..
stil being judgemental...
yup im biased.. its hard to change..
i dunno when can i learn to forgive...not so soon i guess..

goin to TUF soon.. really sad to hear that NTU TUF might be closing down...
guess i gotta do something when i get in man..
im not the siao on kind.. but i pray that God gives me a way to contribute...
really hope my time in uni wont be in vain man.. stil looking out for my very 1st convert man...
i've been a Christian for a long time.. but not a disciple.. havent really brought anyone to Christ yet man... not dearing fruit man.. sad sad sad...

really need to work out man.. the spare tyre round my waist getting bigger and bigger... siao liao...
sorry ah random tots here..so this entry not very organised...
think my driving is improving a little.. i guess so la huh... haha... must drive more..
jiayou guys.. watever struggles u guys face in life committ to God k???
He really hears yr cry...
i wanna be happy...

im fatter...

2005-05-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

im really sorry...

2005-05-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

i noe i have been takin things and pple for granted... im sorry...
i noe i have been neglecting u.. im sorry...
i noe i've been selfish, thinking only bout myself... im sorry...
so many sorries can never erase my mistakes.. i noe...
all i hope is that u can accept me for who i am...
im not perfect... its not an excuse...
i make mistakes here and there... i noe i do..
im sorry...
all i pray is that u'll be ok..
all i hope for is that u'll forgive me...
im really an ass really...
im sorry...
im really sorry...
i'll be a better person...
i dun wanna break promises...
i dun wanna hurt anyone...
im juz really sorry...

im sorry...

2005-05-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

i apologise to the couple which i almost killed today..
yup u guys saw it rite.. i almost become a murderer todae...
i almost ran over 2 pple...
at the traffic light...
well the details some of u guys might noe.. but i prefer not to say it out here...
i think im takin the license to drive and safety for granted...
i dunno...
in a mess now....
i think God nothin serious happened...
but i might lay off driving to far places for a while..
im stil stunned i guess...
im disappointed with myself..
guess im not confident enuf...
im someone who gets discouraged once someone disses me..
even though its not on purpose...
i noe im not a good driver.. i noe...
i think i wont be fetching pple for awhile...

i really hate it when pple tell me that im a loser when it comes to directions...
i noe i am...
F***....
damn it man...
really duno y i cant learn directions fast enuf man...
i always tell myself that we all have weaknesses...
well it might be true...
but i noe im lying to myself...
which idiot dunno directions???
me.... im that idiot...
well.. guess i gotta slowly learn..
dunno whether should i do it...
dunno whether am i fit to drive pple around ever again...
damn it man.. i almost run over someone...
shit...
i guess im emotional.. too emotional for a guy man...
i dun deny it...
i noe im not mentally or emotionally strong...
but i pray that God sees wat i did wrong..
i pray He pushes me.. even when no one does...
i beg for His guidance...
i noe i might be a loser when it comes to directions and driving for that matter..
i hope im not in other ways man...
all this anger and hopelesseness is all inside..
i noe pple are willing to listen...
but i dunno wat to say.. how to tell..
hai... i commit all my sins and prayers to Thee, O God...
its all i can do rite...

life is zooming by...

2005-05-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. thanx for all yr prayers for my license...
ahaha a formal apology here to those who sat my car and got a shock of their lives.. haha
well congrats to those who sat my car and survived..haha...
but it feels weird now that i passed...
life feels like a rush...
i miss taking the bus and train now...
ok i noe its been only 6 days since i passed...
but suddenly i feel so busy... no time for myself...
but im happy that im able to send pple home... more convienient for everyone..
haha so many mixed feelings...
oh well i'll get that sorted out soon enuf...

i miss the pple that left...
even if i didnt tok to them much then... its sad...
everytime i see their faces in photos..
a part of me aches... thinking y didnt i tok to them more...
y couldnt they stay..? hai... well hope God continues to tok to them...
come on guys lets continue to bring pple in....
never give up k...
jiayou jiayou!!!!

God does miraculous things...

2005-05-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally after so long... hai...
All glory goes to Him...
well... i was tokking on the phone yest with Huiying... and she mentioned that her side had red clouds.. so it would most prob rain in the morn...
i said that God would bless me with good weather cause i prayed bout it...
when i woke up this morn.. it was a beautiful morn.. abit hot.. but beautiful nonetheless...
there was clear blue sky accompanied by a few cotton wool like clouds... thanked God for it...
simply BEAU-Ti-FUL..haha...
well i went to drive to the centre.. it was ok...
had my prac round..not bad.. smooth...
well my other 2 times were smooth too.. so i wasnt hoping much...
but i think God for sunday's msg bout the peace of God.. and i felt peaceful and calm( compared to the other 2 times..)
entered the waiting room..
sat down.. tried not to be nervous... so i sang songs to myself... it helped..
waited for my name to be called...
didnt come.. so i waited and waited...
seem like my name was last...
but before my name was called...
another TP guy (aka robocop.. cause they all have shades and they all give u that kiam pa face man.. cant stand it..up up..)came in and striked off the tester's name whom i was allocated to, i was stunned for that brief moment.. time came to a stand still ( chey stylo ah..haha) and wrote another tester's name in... some how the name seem so familiar...
and when the tester called me out.. it was my very 1st tester..haha.. super nice guy.. would have passed the 1st time if not for the dumb slope...crap haha..
so i knew his pattern liao haha.. so i toked cock with him chatted with him.. haha.. make him feel comfortable ..haha.. tactical man.. and so the rest is history..haha.. shiok shiok...
really man.. all glory goes to God.. really thank God for it.. zai zai...
im juz relieved that i got it.. not super excited but juz relieved.. and happy.. and blessed...
I love u God...

its comin... only He can calm e storm in me..

2005-05-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

yup its comin again.. trying to tell myself not to think abt it..
todae's worship was indeed better.. liked the spiritual worship part..
the message was really applicable too..
it was abt the peace of God, its always in me.. can'e believe that a sinner like me can actually enjoy the grace and mercy of God...
i'm thankful for all the things that happened in my life.. even the small things.. like the way the rain stops so i can make it to church without getting wet.. simple yet thankful to Him.. there are many many things that u can give thanks for...
i dun wanna take the pple ard me or the time i have for granted... time to take action...
time to stop telling myself that there's another time.. or there's always time for another chance...
time to move man.. make my words count...
jiayou TIM!!!! haha.. thank God for the chance to learn drving man.. hope i can do well this time... well gotta let God calm me down... gotta committ this to Him...
gotta let Him take over man..
i was particularly touched by this verse...
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4: 6,7
it really tauht me that God is in control of everything... all big and small.. His plan surpasses all other plans u have in yr life.. only God noes y... hope he noes wat i hope...
hope i get it rite this time...

its been too long...

2005-05-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. sorry for taking so long to update..
sorry to my faithful fans and readers out there.. haha.. as if rite haha..
well its been 3 weeks since i started work.. thanx to the guys who came to see me.. haha it was great seeing u guys..
well i've learned much and will continue to learn.. its is a good experience in my PRing skills.. especially toking to Ang Mohs.. must tok slang one sia.. haha..
ah.. learnt how to make coffee like the latte...cappucino..pinocchio.. all the funny funy names lah huh...
and smoothies.. its really easy once u got the ingredients man..haha..
so far so good.. can tok cock to pple now.. takin orders and stuff..
its tiring but kinda fun lah.. at least better then slacking but i do miss the times whern i could slack..haha..
soccer on sundays not so bad now.. it seems that its the youth against the rest man..haha our passing stil cannot make it.. no chemistry man.. always opting for the wimbledon tactic.. the long ball..haha.. no results lo.. hm,.. but believe we can improve lah.. but need more team work.. jiayou guys.. we can make it..
ITS coming..haha.. friday the 13th.. not gonna tok too much abt it.. juz pray for me guys..
vroom vroom..
gotta pray daily man.. thats wat i've been missing in my life.. daily prayer..
hmm nothin much else to blog man.. hope can start jam in church on sundays man..
really need to boost the youths' worship life
jiayou guys.. all e best..
God bless u guys..

too full of myself

2005-04-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

i realised that my life consists of me, my problems, my needs and the pple ard me...
wheres God??? where's His place in my life...
i realised my blog doesn't tok about him in anyway.. except when i need help..
im far away from him..
i took the jet plane away from Him.. far far away now..
feel really empty...
maybe its the free time that i have on my hands..
feels like my life is in a mess..
the baptism todae and my fren's blogs kicked me in the head...
better late then never man...
i stil rem that i was the 1st person tos ay the testimony for my baptism...
dunno y but i broke down that day.. during my testimony.. my very 1st time crying in front of the whole congregation... the sanctury was packed if i was not wrong...
the only thing i knew was that God was there when i got baptised... can't forget the feeling..
now??
only a handful come to support...
compared to the past..
really sad...
excuses and appointments are always the same answers i hear...
but if u really have the heart and passion.. wat's stopping u man...
im lacking both... and i lack God...
im caught up in my material world...
one of the testimonies was abt material things in this life...
abt having everything...
"God can give u everything, but he won't cause he noes that u'll crave for more..."
i was kicked in the head again..
wat have i been doin these past few weeks?
thinkig bout nothin but my driving, my blades and money money money...
its true i wan those things.. too badly i guess....
im sorry God.. guess He heard this countless times...
guess i said it too many times... maybe its insincere some how.. some where...
my focus has gone all wrong man.. way wrong...
now i see how ugly i am... how disgusting i am...
how much i need him in my life...
i hope that i can spread His love to all...
but how can i when im so filthy... so down right unworthy of his Love??
i've done too many wrong stuff...
Oh Father God take all of me...
strip me bare...
i've nothin else to offer u...
i hope i can lead someone to him.. pls pray for me...
too many tots on my mind.. that took me away...
i left on a jet plane man.. one way ticket away from him...
gotta slowly walk back now...
step by step... i'll make it man...
hope i just took the 1st step in the correct direction this time round...
jiayou guys..

Hi welcome to Big Fish.. Pls take a seat..

2005-04-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. wassup..
im officially a waiter.. thank you.. haha..
yes no more loboing.. haha shiok shiok..
kinda nervous though.. scared that i might screw things up man..
hmmm oh well...
no money man... yup eventhough everyone says otherwise.. im broke man.. gotta pay for church camp, my blades ( been tokkin bout it since forever??) and my driving (which is takin forever man). hai.. so im working to pay this things off man.. driving esp.. killing me man.. so ex.. wanna pass this time round.. 3rd and last time.. no more cock ups man.. no more.. jiayou jiayou..
ah evelyn if ur reading this so sorry i didnt add u on my links man.. didnt noe u add me on urs haha.. paiseh sia..
oh yes.. wanna start a plan to jam on sundays afternoon..
hope to teach the pple in youth how to worship God haha..
wanna expose them to worship songs and stuff..
hope this plan is approved so that we'll all be able to worship God man.. jiayou charis youth!!
ok thats all guys will update my blog when i pass my driving on 13th may haha..
jiayou timothy haha!!!

if u only knew..

2005-04-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

now i noe that im a person that needs encouragementwhen i noe that im unable.. unalbe to do things properly.. unable to do things that others can... juz unable to be like others.. so many of them who can..
now i realise that once pple diss me or say things that aren't encouraging in any way.. i go into depression mode.. i go into insecure mode.. maybe i always have been this way.. so damn insecure... well i dunno..
dun wanna think abt it already.. oh well i always say that but i really do think bout it here and there.. crap man.. always trying to hide the fact that i cannot.. but trying toshow a front that i dun care.. but guess it doesn't really work.. hope it all ends soon.. hope so...
to the spammer on the tagboxes on clarissa and samuel's blog.. we have a good idea of who u are.. i noe whu u might be.. dun think i'll be afraid to do anything.. im willing to stand up for my frens.. like the way u challenged clar.. step up to yr word.. come up to face us... if not then ur juz a ball-less ass whu tries so hard to get attention from others but fail in so many ways.. useless i other words.. must be someone whu has no frens.. no frens to tok to.. a loner.. a dumb ass loner..
well hope u prove me wrong and stop everything... im not saying anyone in particular now.. not saying names or pointing fingers.. but this person surely noes church pple only..haha.. so we have a list of whu it might be... come and show ur face if u dare.. yah u hear that punk???
bye guys..

same old me..

2005-04-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. hows life out there??
mines kinda routinely boring nowadays...
nothin fantastic happening yet..
been staying up late these past few days.. watching soccer...
haha its really sad that Man U, the greatest team in the world or rather my world, was knocked out of the Champions League.. hai... haha..like i said to many pple.. if Man U cant win it.. i hope no other English club can..haha..
realised this past few days that i made mistakes again... mistakes that i promised i would never commit.. well.. im really sorry man... hmm.. thinking back again.. i realised that i didnt fulfill my part of the promise never to made that particular mistake again.. was really disappointed with myself.. really disappointed... so wat do i do when im pissed with my self?? yes.. i go to slp.. haha.. oh well..
things got better in the end.. hope that i can be a better person and not commit the same old mistakes again man..
fed up with my self liao man...
haha oh yes.. collecting my IC tmr.. steady.. u guys can call me MR Timothy already.. come on dun be shy haha...
ah yes.. went to cheese cake cafe yest.. power place man.. nice place to relac one corner and they have updated mags man.. im impressed.. esp they have april's FHM haha..
SAM e MAN is gonna have a peace treaty with e FISH... steady.. that guy has balls of steel man.. tim salutes u... haha.. no really lah.. its good that u wanna end all of this.. but like i said its not easy for me.. takes time la huh.. im more careful this time i guess...
well nothin much else for me to blog.. hope the week ends well..
and i need a job real soon man.. hope God blesses me with a good one..
bye...

it comes back to haunt you..

2005-04-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

its been like a month plus i failed my driving??
it comes back now and den...
anyway for those of u guys who dunno my re-retest is on 9th may.. far sia..
dunno whther to hope for it to be nearer or further.. think i can't handle failure very well recently.. sucks huh.. on one hand hope its nearer so if i pass can get my license faster.. but on the other , hope its further away so if i have it wont be so fast.. haha.. contradictory rite..
hai sian lah but wat to do..
noe that my bro bryan has suffered some injustice concerning the FISH...
well if ur that person, u'll never noe wat bryan and me went thru.. u must be thinking that we exaggerate stuff rite?? hmm u'll never noe unless ur us i guess.. well think theres no point explaining.. its over anyway.. i always try to forgive and forget.. forgiving aint that easy man.. and its harder to forget.. well basically if u betrayed my trust as a fren.. theres no point in toking anymore.. thats how i feel lah..
anyway the whole things over already.. i have to admit that i do avoid all sorts of contact with the fish.. the sight of it irks me.. its that bad.. have to pray that i'll be abl;e to totally forgive it and its big fat ego...seems quite impossible in the near future.. oh well..
borin life man.. well wat to do.. hope can get the job that shufang told me abt.. $7 an hour near expo.. haha shiok shiok.. oh yes.. haha gotta read up on coaching books too..
haha heard bout a job offer bout teaching a little boy how to play soccer.. u guys think i chould take it up?? but i not pro or anything man..haha.. its like ripping them off man.. dunno also leh good money also man.. hai.. see how lah huh..
well life is stil the same as usual.. boring ah sorry man.. ah im flamboyant.. juz realised it according to bryan.. flamboyant tim.. ah i like it haha.. see u guys..

it comes back to haunt you

2005-04-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

it comes back to get u...

2005-04-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

stil clueless and lazy.. super lazy..

2005-03-30T23:25:00.000-08:00

its been aboout 2 months since i started clearing my leave.. and im stil lazing around man.. feels so useless..well i told everyone that i'll start to work after i get my ic.. but the thing is that i havent step out of my house to go find anything at all.. im a human sloth man i swear..think my dad alsoa fed up man always see me at home slacking.. always go out also.. spend money like toilet paper man.. hai im broke.. but yes im too lazy to go work now.. haha kinda frustrating.. but i promise i would find work.. i'll jiayou so u pple out there if got lobang pls feel free to tell me ah.. will work for food.. haha..
oh yes let me share a fantastic dream that i had..
started out with matthew lim ah son and me in a merc.. matt was driving..ah aon was in the front seat and in the back.. suddenly matt's hp rang he picked it up and started yakking away.. totally forgtting about drving.. the car swerved from the road to the pavement, causeing ple to dive out of the way.. haha.. but matt didnt seem to be bothered.. ah son caught hold of the steering wheel trying to sterr the car back.. i stunned liao den pulled matt to the back seat (who was stil happily toking).. i caught hold of the wheel and drove us to a small lane.. and stopped.. i turned behind and saw matt smiling and stil toking on the phone.. crap.. haha
den a police car came by.. we froze tot they were coming for us..but they sped past us.. and chased another car.. they finally stopped the car and out came 3 indians...
we went down to kay po lo.. found out that these 3 guys were wanted for murder.. matt see liao think he heart pain.. dunno y.. suddenly bhangra music is heard.. everyone looks up and slolwy starts dancing.. ind1ans policeman and all.. and thats when sam called me to go gym...
lessons learnt..gotta go chiong less man..my god..haha.. and scondly.. gotta get my license so can drive in the first place..haha.. oh well.. let god decide man.. hope i'll be calm enuf..
gotta start doing my qt more regularly.. not doin it of late man.. need God more in my life.. can never have enuf of Him man.. hmm.. well guess thats all.. chao...

lifes back to normal..

2005-03-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

hey guys havent blog in quite a while..
haha well have been partying these few days and staying out really late..
burning a huge hole in my wallet sia..
hai.. haha.. if u guys noe.. i've been officially drunk on the 23rd of march haha not to say im proud of it but its kinda interesting cause never been drunk before.. so ok lah.. learn something new.. ah.. learnt a few MAMbo moves too.. haha mambo is damn fun sia.. without so much booze it'll be better lah ah haha...
ok i shall not embarass bryan too haha.. u wan more info bout wat hap can refer to his blog..
ah..
24th of march went to elvin's birthday celebration at glass house fish and co.. yes im an ass.. ordered something dumb again.. think i'll stick to seafood platter for 1 next time on man.. crap..
my dish was something greenish.. actually matched my ultra green top i wore that day.. haha..
the food tasted like crap lah.. haha.. so ya thanx ah sam for rubbing it in ah.. laughing only sia.. crap.. stayed out late after that.. went to tcc to drink den headed down to BARcelona at MS.. 1st time there.. ah so this week was a tutorial in chionging for me.. haha.. finally saw DBL O..
we settled down at BARcelona and listened to this 2 guys singing latin songs.. zai.. the 1st guy's guitar skills is power sia.. and the other guy was playing this box like thing which produced different kinds of percussion sounds.. so the atmosphere was good.. music was good.. beer wasnt too abd.. and frends were there so ya i enjoyed my self..
25th... it was good friday.. woke up at about 12 plus and went to gym at 2 with sam.. havent been to a gym for ages man.. so my muscles ached after that.. its stil aching now man.. crap..
thats not all.. tot good friday service was at 530.. dunno y.. reached there bout 550..
was stunned y half the programme was already over.. then found out that service started at 5..
die.. i missed the drama.. really sorry man.. didnt mean to man.. den celebrated matt's bdae at harbourfront food court.. not realy lah but had dinner with them... it was not too bad..
thats not all too.. went down to holland village after dinner.. supposed to go to wala wala's a place that sam has been telling me for quite some time.. wanted to go in but there was a long queue.. so we decided to go to coffee club.. well the music there was kinda soft but ok lah.. yx ,matt, ah son,me, sam, jael. huiying,bryan and wendy was there... we tokked bout alot of stuff.. bout wat we sang for christmas bout how fantastic the cakes are at the cafe.. bout hy keep wanting the fondue there.. haha.. really ex for a few pieces of fruits and a bowl of choc ma.. nvm next time i make.. after seeing jamie teo doing it haha.. zai zai.. but we had a enjoyable time together man..
26th march.. happy bdae yuxian.. haha went to mount faber safra to celebrate... zai..
sang a few songs.. got to sing chen xiao chun songs in the end.. haha.. shiok.. really happy to see him so happy man.. really enjoy his presence man.. continue to be happy and do things for God man.. and yes took cab home again for the 4th time in a row.. hai.. but its wothwhile to see my bro so happy..
some tots on my mind again.. been thinking bout driving.. yes yet again... oh u mean u guys didnt noe?? yah i failed twice.. hai.. one more time man.. sian man.. dunno when can really get my hands on the P plate.. been branded a loser here and there.. it gets to u man.. think im the kind of person that needs help to stand up when i fall.. haha not so independent huh... i noe u guys have been there to tell me that everythings all rite..come on man.. twice i failed that cant be too good man.. well hope God blesses me the 3rd time round
been slacking my time away man.. timew to get a job.. been wanting to work as a waiter more interactive.. but lazy to find.. hoping matt can help me out man.. haha.. actually lazy to work also lah.. hope can get one soon..
lastly been wanting to learn drums.. been procrastinating for bout a month or so.. april starting i'll go find the guy to teach me man.. the legendary TONY ZEE!! according to my dad lah.. think hes zai lah.. so ex sia the lesson.. i better be damn zai in drums after paying him man haha.. thats all man.. u guys take care man.. hope i can.. haha bye bye..

alls well that ends well.. really???

2005-03-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

phew.. really glad the rally finally over..
haha well guess it was all rite.. happy that it wasnt that bad.. well yah like i said everything that could go wrong went wrong..
was really happy to see a few faces who i didnt really see for quite some time..
some of them were old school school clubbers..
haha... some pple said i was hyper that day..
must be God inspired haha.. well hoped our performances touched some pple...
it was really heart warming to hear little kids singing worship songs..
some pple said that felt God's presence during the worship.. thats good man.. simply wonderful...
but the sound of the kid's voices touched my heart man.. juz wanted to sing out to God.. really thank God.. really wanna thank everyone who wre involved in the rally in any way man.. thanx to u guys.. Charis Youth is simply fantastic..haha
oh well.. todae some of us were suffering from post-rally boredom haha.. sounds weird rite.. but yah..

tot things would be happy and bright but i felt weird when i got home last night..
felt empty and lost in a sense... dunno y also.. well guess im trying to hard.. sometimes circumstances dun allow man.. i would have loved to be able to do it.. but wasnt able to.. felt at a loss..
and then the msg came.. hai..
its weird that u cant express so freely when u want to man.. with eyes looking.. and tongues wagging.. how?? tell me man how??
its not that i dunwan to.. maybe im juz not comfortable.. not yet... i need time i guess.. or issit juz an excuse that im too weak..?? i really dunno man... i really need time and some understanding..
i noe that there are other problems too.. dun worry k.. this is juz a small prob..
the world continues to spin.. things continue to change..pple begin to be diffferent...
hmm.. hate changes man.. hai... can promises really be forever?? i believe so.. well maybe i guess my word might not be be true man.. only time can tell??? hai... promises are meant to be eternal man.. i wanna keep my promise..it aint gonna be easy...
well.. on to another topic.. hate fishes nowadays man.. dunno y.. find fishes irritating man.. argh!!
esp those fishes that supp0osed to bring u luck eg. luohan...
alamak this particular breed ah.. is such a pain in the ass man...
well.. if some pple wanna ask me y i not bothering bout them or toking to them.. i simply cant be bothered already man.. dun even wanna see man.. see also sore eye lah.. FED UP!!!!
well at least MAN U won yest so not so bad.. damn i suck at soccer.. haha..
hope this story has a happy ending.. i hope..
fishes.. yuck!!!!
bye guys.. God bless..

God is near.. i noe..

2005-03-14T00:32:00.000-08:00

really had a roller coaster sunday...
was slain by the spirit during ministy.. my very 1st time i think..
i had the feeling of goin down then not goin down like that..
haha sam said i faked him quite a few times..
paiseh lah.. but really thank God that he filled me.. well i eventually went down..
good thing got sam and ting an behind me..
or else i'll juz fall flat on the floor haha..
had an emotional time of prayer after service.. felt that i had to tell the pple.. i dun think my msg of writing testimonials got thru..
was quite discouraged..
guess im not a good motivator..
we had prayer.. sam and i led the prayer..
once again i saw pple were juz not interested in this rally or praying for it..
my heart ached.. it really did.. i felt sad.. i feel sad even typing this now..
suddenly when i wanted to say something out.. the tears flowed.. think everyone also shocked.. i also stunned..
but i felt that it was good that pple knew that i was really sad bout the whole situation, that things weren't looking good.. hope this msg got thru..
never tot that i would cry..
guess alot of pple tot that i was stressed over it..
but i wasn't.. i was sad that the pple not feeling his presence...
really pray that i can do a good job on sat man..
hope my energy gets thru to pple there..
really happy that my army frne comin for the rally..
weird how i noe him actually..
hes the rp in my camp.. for those who dunno wats a rp.. hes like a security guard for he camp..
but hes a really nice guy.. really enjoyed toking to him during my guard dutys.. because he very slack also haha..
some stuff are coming together so it ain't too bad..
ok lah think we can scrap thru this..
though i feel bad that sam and i procrastinated..
left everything to the last moment..
well i believe He will take care of everything.. cause God is near...
worthy is his name.. he is our strength when we are weak.. he is our all in all..
all e best guys.. jiayou...

miracles do happen..

2005-03-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

it has been thus far a busy and boring week..
depressed whenever i think bout the rally..
felt that i let everyone down...
havent been a good planner.. never have been..
let myself down also..
depressed whenever i see pple passing their driving and i.. well i suck at it i guess..
haha depressing rite this blog.. well thats how i feel now.. but i noe that miracles do happen..
i hope they will soon...
back to the rally..
everything is in a mess.. things arent working out well.. think we'll have to scrap thru it..
haven been a Christian in any sense man.. for years i feel..
so superficial..
life so mundane.. yet i dun wanna do anything abt it..
life is a all time low i guess.. i noe i get support from others.. but i guess its juz diff when u cant feel God near you..
its more than praying... i cant do it alone.. really cannot..
im juz so weak.. so dependant...
well as it is written.. God,u are strongest when i am at my weakest...
i pray u manifest yr presence on all of Charis youth...
hope everyone praying for rally ah...
hey bryan if u see this.. all the best for yr exams ah.. u can do it man.. so yandao haha..
sam must be in pain now.. taking out 3 wisdom teeth.. it'll be over soon man.. one week and u'll be normal except for a swollen face haha...
oh yah got my drving test date again...9 of may.. hmm realy dunc are already man.. pass pass fail fail.. like that lo..
but i noe that miracles do happen.. i'll pass one day.. hope God does miracles on 19 march too.. need loads of it..
bye guys..

heads in a mess...

2005-03-06T09:22:00.000-08:00

im nuts.. i swear i really am..
damn it spoiled the guitar back in church.. siao liao..
must have a donation drive again... pls donate generously to save the "broke timmy" fund again man.. if must pay ah think i need to go find a job man..
damn bored also whole day at home nothin to do... need to find job..
rally prac driving me crazy too.. i sound like crap man.. hope the whole thing comes together..

-never knew i could feel like this.. like i've never seen the sky before.. wanna vanish inside yr kiss..*something something* love u more and more, come what may-
fantastic song man.. absolutely brilliant.. saw the movie on tv todae.. come what may.. sounds easy rite?? hard to imagine though..
love is a many splendid thing.. issit?? makes u feel like ur goin nuts.. sometimes.. yet it lifts u up.. fantastic isn't it??
never easy... never predictable... sigh... wish i knew wats goin on.. can only react.. mind was a blank anyway.. didnt noe how to react.. how to think, wat to feel.. sigh... confusing man.. heads in a mess now..
God, walk me thru this phase of life im goin thru now...sigh...
-i will love u until e end of time- like i said fantastic song...
heads stil in a mess.. sigh...

cough cough

2005-03-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

have been coughing these few days man.. been affecting my throat of late..
man.. i sound like a cow when i sing man.. cant stand it..
lost the ability to sing man.. sux like crap.. cant stand it..
must drink more water lo.. hope my prayer helps me rocover soon...
yup i did it.. im the man!!! haha.. told him bout it le.. the result was wat i expected lah..
so its ok..
dunnno how to carry out the plan also.. hmm.. must seek God and find out his ways lo..
had dinner at some chicken rice place.. and got whacked by sam.. always miscommunication sia.. next time meet him must ask his mode of transport first sia.. or else kanna hantum again..
ok lah..
had drinks also.. wasnt too bad.. got to tok to the same bunch of pple.. havent been this way for a long time..
miss the past man.. when we all can meet at th prata place late... but now all working already.. some in hgc.. others waiting to go soon.. left me.. and sam.. hmm time to move on man..
man i think i gain weight.. shit no... never run stay at home..watch tv.. slp eat only.. basket feel like garfield sia.. haha.. ok lah garfield cute only man..time to go run soon.. and play soccer..
think some pple hate me already man.. for dissing liverpool on bryan's blog.. sorry to anyone out there la huh.. some harmless fun.. but Man U stil ROX!! haha.. esp roy keane man.. who in actual fact..yes nicole i noe ur reading this.. say it with me.. roy keane has HAIR!!! haha.. oh man.. must be the coffee man i swear.. ok lah i have to agree the zizou has the skills man.. but roy keane has the dog fighting spirit, the determination and the never give up attitude in getting the ball back man.. zai.. unselfish and simple play yet effective.. striking fear in the heart of midfielders and strikers from all over the globe.. wish can play like him sia.. thats y must go run.. cannot be garfield anymore man..tim u can do it..
must start praying for license also man.. never too early..
see car on the road also reminded of it.. sian..
do continue to pray zaelously for the rally.. ah yes tmr must fast lunch.. almost forgot..
jiayou jiayou..
-they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength -
lord give me strength so i can be hope for others..
all the best guys..

who noes wat the future holds..

2005-03-01T09:54:00.000-08:00

hey guys.. its me again.. wassup...
its been like 5 days since my attempt to get my license..
stil get the failure outta my head man..
stil think bout it here and there..but i believe it'll go away soon...
prac for rally was really good on sunday.. that was really encouraging..
like sam said God is working within our midst.. cannot lose the faith and fire..
jiayou jiayou guys...
been thinking bout stuff yet again... things on my mind lo..
decided to tell le.. well cant say dun care bout the consequences but i'll prefer to do it..
hope i can cope with the results.. though kinda depressed from wat i heard bout the how the conversation on the otherside went.. cant say im really elated bout it... but i guess its the rite thing to do man..
think God would want me to say too... be more honnest i guess..
God bless man..
argh.. thinking bout the license thing again man...
cant really handle failure very well man..
sux huh... definitely...
really slack these few days too think i gain some weight.. gotta run man.. gotta be as fit my fav player ROY KEANE.. haha... not like some pple who fancies bald aging man.. not saying anyone in particular.. really.. im not...haha okok i am.. u noe who u are...
pple pls pray for the rally coming up soon..
gear up for it.. and do invite pple.. its gonna be fantastic man..
i noe u guys will be fantastic...
God is good.. All the time.. Hang in there guys... jiayou jiayou...

its not meant to be man..

2005-02-24T03:56:00.000-08:00

juz not able to do it man...
careless yet again..
dunno y so nervous the whole wide world passing except me man..
think God doesnt want me to pass..
thinks he wans me to settle other issues in my life..
well gotta get them settled..
at least can focus on rally..
wow wat comfort...
hai..
this sux..
got the sucky feeling yet again..
sorry God, sweared yet again after the test.. i noe.. my fault..
Forgive me man..
gotta try again.. expensive man.. think my parents also disappointed that i failed..
im also disappointed.. tot i could do it man.. tot wrong again..
cannot be confident.. it'll crush u.. cant figure y i so suay..
or y i cant perform man..
sian lah...
wat to do.. try again lo..
3rd time lucky i hope..
this is costing me a bomb and hell lot of time..
got other stuff to think abt now..
SIAN LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bye guys...

its nothing much really..

2005-02-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

hey hows everyone lately...
well mr timmy here has been all rite...
boring but all rite..
its been a few weeks since i blogged...
things haven really change alot of things stil on my mind... alot of pple too.. haha..
crap...
really need GOD ( yes yet again ) march rally comin up everyone doesnt seem interested also...
maybe thats because i havent been doin much to inspire the rest...
hope GOD will stoke the fire man...
really want this rally to be a success, to be able to do something rite before i go man..
havent been holy this past 2 and few something months..
i noe God would be angry by now, yet im stil alive so think it says something ah.. haha
really need to pray bout things goin on in my life rite now...
things i stil cant figure out..
need answers ba.. i worry too much.. put too much pressure on my self..
gotta relax, jangan tension man...
think think think think.. thinking too much man...
maybe got too much stuff to think abt gotta put some stuff down.. dunno which one to also...
think time too short, even though im like super free now.. always procrastinating..
hope can pass driving this time round..
at least get it out of my mind...
so many worries... only He can take them away..
Hope things turn out fine...
So i dun have to worry so much, think so much
Gotta stop thinking and start praying...
okok gotta go man.. oh yah anyway if u guys didnt noe... Man U rocks.. haha nites..

should i have gone??

2005-01-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

stupid waves..
stupid me...
stupid tots..
stupid emotions..

the tsunami sure has affected everyone.. dumb waves cause me to do guard duty when im not supposed to have.. crap sia.. take me off guard again man..
my platoon was offered to go over to indonesia melubo to help out in rescues efforts..
not digging though.. more of helping out in communications side in the headquarters over there..
well thanx to the stupid driving i cant go.. feels like i wasted a chance to make a mark in my life..
well wat to do.. dun wanna drag my license also..

some times jealousy takes over..
sometimes my mind wanders..
sometimes cant help feeling this way..
sometimes i feel like issit wrong in e first place..
somtimes i reason with myself..
sometimes i reason with God...
sometimes im never correct..
sometimes im never never wrong..
sometimes.. juz that sometimes seem so often..

hai dunno wat to do with my life also..
keep thinking.. dunno abt wat also..
sometimes frustrated..
abt wat??
dunno also..
random tots man..
guess i should have gone abroad..
no need to think so much..
well these are juz my tots now..
irrational tots i guess..
- only God noes why -

merry merry x'mas

2004-12-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

yup its that time of the year.. dun worry my bdae over liao..
haha no lah im toking bout christmas..
played the guitar for christmas service hope i didnt kill anyone doing so man..
damn i have hairy hands man..
haha born with it bo pian..
its diff to express things man..
things that i cant say...
things that i cant do..
things that i can understand, but diff to do..
so wat now??
i dunno..
hmm diff times man.. must commit to God..
dunno wat to do also..
issit right?? issit wrong??
wat if.. wat about..lets say if..
trying to find ways to bend and turn..
i noe the consequences.. i noe how it is supposed to go..
but i really have such deep emotions.. never before.. issit a figment of my imagination..??
can i last so long??
will i give it up??
only time can tell..??
are u sure only time can tell..??
wat if i am certain??
so many wat if... hai wat if im brad pitt sia..
hope wat i think turns out to be.. hope so.. wat if man wat if..
merry x'mas u guys..

stupid slope...

2004-12-22T03:38:00.001-08:00

im sorry.. u failed..
my world crashed after i heard that..
my heart sank.. i dieded..
good job tim u screwed up..
hai wat to do.. nervous until screw up man..
well think God doesnt wan me to pass that day man.. think so ba..
my mom said that maybe God stil wans me alive cause now festive season.. might have traffic accident sia.. choy man..
well hope for better things next test ba.. wat to do.. suck thumb and utilise my ez link card more lo.. haha..
stil having the hangover syndromes of failing man.. haha if theres such a term..
its been 3 days man..
stil rem the 2nd day i woke up.. first thing that came to my mind.." stupid slope, stupid ubi.."
haha.. well hope God blesses me for my next test..
stupid slope..

stupid slope..

2004-12-22T03:38:00.000-08:00

release clutch slowly, press accel gently.. vroom vroom..

2004-12-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

the tension is mounting.. haha.. im stressing myself out i noe.. juz cant seem to get it perfect at times.. think that day must see form one man.. keep telling myself i can do it i can do it..hope so la huh..
this stupid thing is stressing me out.. and when im stress i'll keep thinking and toking abt it.. so a thousand apologies to those who heard me nag abt it .. sorry ah..
but yes i'll jiayou guys..
dun worry.. tim the F1 driver should be able to make it man.. jiayou jiayou.. hope u guys will pray for me..
cant really wait for e camp either.. hope it would revive me.. take my mind off stuff..
hope the stupid driving wont distract me from e camp.. 9 more days to getting my license (i hope) haha...
oh ya sprained my dumb toe also.. crap.. so no more soccer till e test man.. juz in case...
ok lah i believe God will bless me, even my instructor said so.. power man..
only he can deliver me thru.. hope nothing goes wrong on that day... must keep praying bout it...
ok lah enuf complaining man.. wil update this blog on the day after my test so u guys will noe haha.. buai..

yup.. u guessed it...life sux..

2004-11-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

f**king head hurts, f**king heart hurts, f**king leg hurts..
its juz me.. i noe u guys are fine le, but the scars are stil there..
im like that.. i think alot.. think back alot..
the f**king b*tch stil got the f**king balls to say dun believe others, that there are politics everywhere.. yes the sight of yr f**king face irks me u noe that.. f**k u... u understand.. f**king b*tch..
sorry god... sorry everyone.. sorry myself..
gotta go pray le..

damn it..
only wusses cry.. i must be a wuss den..

i dun plead guilty...

2004-11-23T03:56:00.000-08:00

yup innocent i am.. hard to believe???
think so... oh yah there was something wrong that i did, why didnt i think of it in e 1st place??
think i was too friendly, yah thats it.. im guilty cause i was juz too god damn friendly..
madness rite??
cant change pple's opinion of me.. cant be bothered to anyway..
f*** man...
im not angry with those who dun believe me.. im angry at the freaking one who spread such stuff bout me.. wat the hell did i do..
guess im stil too friendly stil ans her sms..
think after reading this pple might be thinking " wat?? he stil ans her sms, something must be fishy..." well i dun give a damn liao.. juz pray to God that he reveals all things in time to come.. tell u if i can i sure confront e person one.. sure bring elvin along one sia.. haha..
when i heard pple doubted me.. i was like stunned.. but can understand lah.. these things do happen.. no one noes whose correct...
well like i said, either im correct or im a heartless god damn bloody good actor man...
im not angry at anyone except at e UB...
thanx to those who are backing me up man.. cheers to u guys and girls..
lotsa other things to worry bout man.. my damn leg.. stupid driving test.. christmas comin up some more.. stress...
dunno how to face pple now... how?? u tell me..?
pissed off at myself.. only have my self to blame ba... i'll only enfold guys from now on.. hope got no gays man haha... its not fair to blame the rest of e pple.. pple have e freedom to their own opinions.. i cant do anything to them lo...
im not a victim k pple.. dun need to pity me.. im ok... juz f*** off bi*ch..
buai...

more bad news..

2004-10-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

hey juz got back from physio.. got time so decided to blog..
these few nights have been terrible.. been coughing like mad at night whenever i lie down to slp.. dunno wats wrong.. praying hard to recover.. losing slp these few days due to cough.. hai.. sad right..
my physio juz told me that if i went for the op which required to stitch up the stupid torn muscle i would have to be in a leg brace for like 3-4 months.. 6 months before i can squat and another 3 months later before i can actually run.. looks like fatty tim is comin back..
really need prayer from u guys out there.. im praying really hard too, kinda depressed nowadays.. good thing the physio is a very nice lady always smiling..
hope God noes im struggling.. God help me help myself..
Ciao... gtg

sick day...

2004-10-03T02:14:00.000-07:00

sad day man.. yes tim is sick.. down with a bout of flu coupled with a crippled leg.. best right??
pls donate to save tim fund.. tim selling backside.. haha.. pls donate generously!!!
seems like i can only update my blog on weekends..
think i cant type much todae.. brain feels clouded.. hate getting flu man feels like im paralysed like that..
haha oh yah played risk in church.. like i always told pple i dun really like playing this game.. cause u gotta be lao kan to win and i hate being lao kan.. juz like wat huijun said a honnest guy like me hates being lao kan haha...
ok lah sad again cause have to book in tonight.. go back camp again.. sian lo.. cant wait to ORD man...
lastly need the prayers of u guys out there who sees my blog.. for me to recover quickly.. hai.. looks like life aint gonna get better so soon.. God bless guys..

2004-10-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

hey wats up guys... wah the timster back in again!!! wah its been along time man. really ages since i've last blogged, so i'm a little rusty. lotsa things happened since the last time i blogged ( since 18 nov '02 sia..how many donkeys years is that man, haha ) its almost 2 years. cant imagine at that time havent even enter the dumb army, but now?? guess wat ording lo.. haha few more months to go.. shiok shiok..
many pple said i changed alot these 2 years, many pple said im more matured.. hope so la huh.. but i noe i've gotten less crappy compared to last time.. dunno good or not.. yah.. mood wise more eratic also.. must be e stupid SAF causing all these probs man.. haha. but these 2 years have not been the best for my christian walk.. many things happend.. the one sentence scolding, the exit of my family to another place, the personal identity probs that i have. think God must be disappointed with me this past couple of years.. i noe i have.. hope he noes wat im goin thru..
well guess gotta put all behind me.. take a step forward and go on with life.. hope God guides me thru this part.. i noe im the careless sort so confirm get into all sorts of stupid trouble.. Only u noe O God.. help..
ah yes and the complaining doesnt stop here... i've gotta have a stupid leg injury.. hai.. sorry ah guys, for those who noe me i've been gribing bout my knee for like ever since i got the injury.. sorry guys.. think God not happy with me ba thats y make me crippled.. haha..juz went for physio yest.. she said that if wanna recover fully might have to go for minor op.. that means 4-6 weeks on crutches man.. sad la.. can go eunos mrt sell tissue liao... must start praying again..
ok lah think must end liao.. but before i go.. -quote of the day-: i miss the times b4, hope the past comes back before i forget bout them.
ps: i miss seeing my family in Charis.. oh well.

wassup with tim's life

a season to reflect

i wanna dance again...

so sian when u cant play soccer...

it just came to me...

will there ever be enuf time??

will there ever be enuf time??

sch sucks the life out of u..

haha.. i tihink so too

im running away..slowly but surely...

i hope im stil goin to heaven...

the insecure me...that plays more badminton..

where do i go from here???

im fatter...

im fatter...

im really sorry...

im sorry...

life is zooming by...

God does miraculous things...

its comin... only He can calm e storm in me..

its been too long...

too full of myself

Hi welcome to Big Fish.. Pls take a seat..

if u only knew..

same old me..

it comes back to haunt you..

it comes back to haunt you

it comes back to get u...

stil clueless and lazy.. super lazy..

lifes back to normal..

alls well that ends well.. really???

God is near.. i noe..

miracles do happen..

heads in a mess...

*cough cough*

who noes wat the future holds..

its not meant to be man..

its nothing much really..

should i have gone??

merry merry x'mas

stupid slope...

stupid slope..

release clutch slowly, press accel gently.. vroom vroom..

yup.. u guessed it...life sux..

i dun plead guilty...

more bad news..

sick day...

cough cough